Happiness
by doyoumakepizza
Summary: Why is Ziva always so happy? Pointless drabbly one shot, fun to write.


**Drabbly Ziva story... Written at 11 pm while in traffic. Here goes!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS... that's probably a good thing, cuz everyone would be married off in a heartbeat. **

Why is she so happy?

There is nothing she has not been through.

She is a trained assassin. Nobody lived once she was after them. Nobody lived to tell the tale of Ziva wanting them dead. Nobody... except herself. She found herself begging for death in Somalia. Once. No more. Never again. She had pushed that particular occasion far out of her memory- it was the fever talking. Not her.

She had lost so many loved ones- Jenny. Ari. Her mother. Tali. Michael. She was the one responsible for her own brother's death. She blamed herself most for Jenny's. She blamed herself for her mother's and Tali's also, but mostly for Jenny's. If she and Tony had only been where they were supposed to be! Instead, they were relaxing poolside while Jenny was fighting off four men dead set on revenge. "There was noting you could do," they told her. "It wasn't your fault." She knew it was, though. And she had always secretly...admired Jenny's death, in a way. Ziva knew that when she died, she didn't want it to be a docile death. When she went down, it would be like Jenny; defending herself or defending her loved ones. Take down as many as possible before she was overcome. Go out with a... bang. That was the saying, yes? Ziva had decided long ago that she would go down fighting, and that was the only way.

Her relationships were always... off. One boyfriend turned out to be a murderer; another, a lie. The only one who saw through Michael was Tony, and in the end, he was the one to protect her from him. And she didn't even believe him! She sometimes wondered how Tony could still stand her, after what she had done. She had thanked him by leaving him for Israel. Even then, Tony had found her when things went wrong in Somalia. She would never know that he had gone through his own Hell for the three months she was gone. He had come to Somalia for two reasons: to find her, and, if she were dead, then to die finishing what she had started. He wanted revenge, but he didn't want to go on living if she didn't. He expected her dead, a part of everyone did. But when Saleem pulled the canvas bag off of her head, Tony was hit with such a wave of emotion, that all he could do was babble. She didn't know he came to Somalia to die for her. Only Gibbs knew that.

She had experienced more torture methods than she cared to remember. Those who didn't know her wondered why she wore such modest clothing. Seemed wary in crowds. Shied away from touch. Gibbs, Tony, McGee, Ducky, and Abby knew. It was the scars, both physical and psychological, that kept her away from revealing clothing and people alike.

Ziva David kept her thoughts bottled up and to herself, while others looked for someone to blame for what had happened to her. Ziva had stopped looking for someone to blame long ago. It was Eli, all Eli. Eli had trained her to become the heartless assassin. Eli had sent her to kill Ari. Eli had given her the death mission to Somalia. But she had figured out long ago that blaming him does nothing. And as much as she hated him, she kept some of the traits he had trained into her- one of which is being emotionless. Eli taught her to keep all her feelings bottled up and behind a wall; never let anyone in. Emotions are weakness. Not an option for an assassin. This is what she hated him most for.

But what does she do with these feelings? Her hopes, dreams, successes, joy turned into pain, terror, anguish, and failure? That is what makes Ziva special. That is why she never quite fit in with Mossad on the inside. Instead of crying, screaming, tearing her hair out, she turns the feeling of defeat into loyalty and love. But unlike Eli, she then gives these feelings to her team. Tony. Gibbs. McGee. Abby. Ducky. Even Palmer. While Eli believes in Mossad over his own family, she is fiercely loyal to those she surrounds herself with. Eli loves triumph and glory, Ziva loves people. And in turn, those people love her back. They help her through the unthinkable. They never give up on her, or leave her when she needs them, as much as she wants them to. That is why Tony, Gibbs, McGee, Abby, and Ducky are her real family. What they share is something that Eli will never be able to take away.

That is what makes Ziva happy.


End file.
